The Anatomy of a Fuck It All Moment
And how to know if you're having one.
Before you get started, we are big fans of tell ‘em what you’re going to tell ‘em.
Over the next few weeks, we’re breaking down the anatomy of a Fuck It All Moment, and our process for moving through them with intention and personal power.
This work takes time, energy, and an immense amount of self-care, so we’re slow dripping it out. Today, we’re introducing what exactly is a FIA Moment, and how we came to revere them as one of the most sacred experiences of our lives.
Keep reading (or scroll, if that’s your vibe) to the end for a self-guided FIA Exercise on how to start going Inward.
Alright, LFG.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I having a Fuck It All Moment?” Then chances are, my dear, you most definitely are. If that’s where you find yourself today, then you’ve come to the right place.
Naming our own experiences.
Vocab matters. This isn’t just about communicating it out to the world; it’s about being able to name things happening within ourselves that has the power to change - and, dare we say - even save lives.
Fuck It All Moment
(noun) A choice; a moment where one intentionally chooses what is best for oneself above all else; often in opposition to expectations or “norms” of society, family, community and/or earlier self.
I mean, have you ever had that achingly satisfying moment where you read or hear something that puts into words this very specific experience that you yourself have had; that you didn’t know had a name, but actually does. And, in hearing that it does, you feel so seen, validated, wonderfully un-unique, that the waves of relief tap dance themselves right over your formerly misunderstood heart?
That’s us and FIA Moments.
How Dare You?
Early days, we dreamed aloud to a friend and fellow creator, “How do we help women avoid FIA moments?” And, she looked at us with a blank stare and said, “Why would you ever take that away from them?”
We then started to talk about every good thing that came from our respective FIA Moments, and no matter how painful or hard they were - we all agreed, we’d never not want them.
With that, let’s talk everything from table-flipping-are-you-fucking-kidding-me moments to that-doesn’t-work-for-me boundary push from Dave in accounting. In either case, these moments - big or nuanced - are usually the second (or third, or fourth, or hundredth) acts of our personal narrative where things get most interesting.
Going Inward.
One of our favorite questions to ask women on the Fuck It All™ Podcast is, “What do you do when your power is shaken?” And, almost always the answer is “I go inward.” We love the way Elizabeth Lesser describes this moment in her book Cassandra Speaks:
“The journey may start on the inside, but it pulls you outward and onward. It clarifies your vision and emboldens your voice. It will help you do things you never thought you could.”
Hit Pause, Babe. Go Inward.
“It helps you do things you never thought you could…”
When it comes to discomfort, instinct says, “Get me TF out of here.” And that’s the mistake that many of us (🙋♀️ ourselves included) make; we start with action over intention. Why? Because it feels so damn good to DO something. Look at me, I’m a woman of action. I saw a problem and I fixed it. I can take care of myself!
We get it. But, for the love of all things good and feminine, stop.
Because all that doing is merely a fleeting reprieve of temporary distraction. And FIA Moments are not that. They are sacred, in that, you no longer consent to this way of being; and you agree with yourself and the Universe that something must change.
This often private reclamation of power is one that requires the discipline to sit in the discomfort in order to name its true origin, so that it can begone for good. And that’s why community - like this, or any other - is so powerful.
Because when it’s time to go it alone, it’s not always time to actually be alone.
Consider this your Friday Happy Hour meant to hit pause, turn down the noise, and tune into yourself.
Inward Prompts
When we say FIA Moment, something likely pops into mind. Maybe it’s a place you’ve already been, or maybe it’s where you are right now. There’s no right answer here, so just let the intuition flow.
We find these moments can be helpful to write in story or narrative form, as writing allows us to get out of our heads and onto paper. It also allows us to revisit this work and notice growth over time.
Grab a pen and paper, or black doc and cursor, and get to reflecting. This can be a single moment, or many of them. The more you write, the more you may recognize a pattern - which next week we’ll get more into!
Some questions to get that pen moving and thoughts flowing:
What is your FIA Moment?
What happened? What’s happening?
Why is/was this such a big deal?
What is/was hard about choosing yourself? Who do/did you disappoint and/or upset?
What were/are you grateful to learn or know?
What did you learn? What are you learning?
What values are/were in question? Do/Did you know it at the time, or after the fact?
What are/were you proud of that you did during this moment?
What were/are you NOT proud of?
Happy home working, FIA queens. We’ll see you next Friday, as we talk more on the practice of going Inward, and when it’s time to step Outward.
Big love from our cup of homemade grapefruit lime water to yours, K+K 🍋🟩